“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times
shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but 70 times 7” (Matthew 18:21-22).
That’s 490 times! By this, Jesus meant no limits should be set. We should not keep track of how many times we forgive someone. We should always forgive the person who is truly repentant no matter how many times they ask.
To illustrate this point, Jesus told a story about two servants’ who were in debt (Matthew 18:21-35). Jesus told about a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. One servant owed a large amount: 10,000 talents (a talent was about 60 pounds of gold, so 10,000 talents equaled a few million dollars). When he could not pay, the master ordered that the servant, his wife, children, and possessions be sold so he could repay as much of the debt as possible. The servant pleaded with his master, begging for time to repay his debt. The master took pity on the servant, canceled the debt, and set him free.
But shortly later, this servant went out and found another servant who owed him a much smaller amount: 100 denarii (a denarius was a Roman coin, worth about 16 cents; it was worth one day’s wage). The first servant demanded payment and refused to show mercy toward his debtor. In fact he had the second servant thrown into prison until he paid the debt. The other servants, aware of all that had happened were greatly distressed and told their master what had happened. The master called back the first servant and jailed him for failing to show mercy to a fellow servant when he had been forgiven a much greater debt. The first servant had been forgiven, and he in turn should have also forgiven.
Jesus not only taught about forgiveness, He also demonstrates His own willingness to forgive. He forgave the women caught in adultery (John 8:3-11). He forgave Peter for denying He knew Jesus. He forgave the criminal on the cross (Luke 23:39-43). He forgave those who crucified Him (Luke 23:34). He is even willing to forgive you and me for the sins we have commit. Jesus forgives all who come to Him through repentant faith.
A child of God has had all his sins forgiven by faith in Jesus Christ. Therefore when someone sins against us, we ought to be willing to forgive from the heart no matter how many times the act occurs. Because God has forgiven all our sins, we should not withhold forgiveness from others. Recognizing how completely Christ has forgiven us will produce an attitude of forgiveness toward others.
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Forgiveness is such a vital and important part of the Christian life. Sometimes it is difficult to forgive others when they have hurt you, but through the grace of God and through the power of the Holy Spirit we can do it! Thank you for a great article and God Bless.
Absolutely!
Forgiveness – so important for me to move on in my christian growth. At the same time, it’s so hard to do when someone I love has been hurt so badly by someone else and on purpose.
I understand. It is sometimes difficult to forgive, but worth it.
One reason we resist forgiving is that we don’t really understand what forgiveness is or how it works. We think we do, but we don’t.Most of us assume that if we forgive our offenders, they are let off the hook — scot-free — and get to go about their merry ways while we unfairly suffer from their actions. We also may think that we have to be friendly with them again, or go back to the old relationship. While God commands us to forgive others, he never told us to keep trusting those who violated our trust or even to like being around those who hurt us.The first step to understanding forgiveness is learning what it is and isn’t. The next step
giving yourself permission to forgive and forget, letting go of the bitterness while remembering very clearly your rights to healthy boundaries.
Granting Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not letting the offender off the hook. We can and should still hold others accountable for their actions or lack of actions.
Forgiveness is returning to God the right to take care of justice. By refusing to transfer the right to exact punishment or revenge, we are telling God we don’t trust him to take care of matters.
Forgiveness is not letting the offense recur again and again. We don’t have to tolerate, nor should we keep ourselves open to, lack of respect or any form of abuse.
Forgiveness does not mean we have to revert to being the victim. Forgiving is not saying, “What you did was okay, so go ahead and walk all over me.” Nor is it playing the martyr, enjoying the performance of forgiving people because it perpetuates our victim role.
Forgiveness is not the same as reconciling. We can forgive someone even if we never can get along with him again.
Forgiveness is a process, not an event. It might take some time to work through our emotional problems before we can truly forgive. As soon as we can, we should decide to forgive, but it probably is not going to happen right after a tragic divorce. That’s okay.
We have to forgive every time. If we find ourselves constantly forgiving, though, we might need to take a look at the dance we are doing with the other person that sets us up to be continually hurt, attacked, or abused.
Forgetting does not mean denying reality or ignoring repeated offenses. Some people are obnoxious, mean-spirited, apathetic, or unreliable. They never will change. We need to change the way we respond to them and quit expecting them to be different.
Forgiveness is not based on others’ actions but on our attitude. People will continue to hurt us through life. We either can look outward at them or stay stuck and angry, or we can begin to keep our minds on our loving relationship with God, knowing and trusting in what is good.
If they don’t repent, we still have to forgive. Even if they never ask, we need to forgive. We should memorize and repeat over and over: Forgiveness is about our attitude, not their action.
We don’t always have to tell them we have forgiven them. Self-righteously announcing our gracious forgiveness to someone who has not asked to be forgiven may be a manipulation to make them feel guilty. It also is a form of pride.
Withholding forgiveness is a refusal to let go of perceived power. We can feel powerful when the offender is in need of forgiveness and only we can give it. We may fear going back to being powerless if we forgive.
We might have to forgive more than the divorce. Post-divorce problems related to money, the kids, and schedules might result in the need to forgive again and to seek forgiveness ourselves.
We might forgive too quickly to avoid pain or to manipulate the situation. Forgiveness releases pain and frees us from focusing on the other person. Too often when we’re in the midst of the turmoil after a divorce, we desperately look for a quick fix to make it all go away. Some women want to “hurry up” and forgive so the pain will end, or so they can get along with the other person. We have to be careful not to simply cover our wounds and retard the healing process.
We might be pressured into false forgiveness before we are ready. When we feel obligated or we forgive just so others will still like us, accept us, or not think badly of us, it’s not true forgiveness — it’s a performance to avoid rejection. Give yourself permission to do it right. Maybe all you can offer today is, “I want to forgive you, but right now I’m struggling emotionally. I promise I will work on it.”
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It’s normal for memories to be triggered in the future. When thoughts of past hurts occur, it’s what we do with them that counts. When we find ourselves focusing on a past offense, we can learn to say, “Thank you, God, for this reminder of how important forgiveness is.” I lost my home, my way of life, my reputation because of lies, and my family and children. Then again, I lost my home, my money, my car and became homeless. I knew why I had lost all of this. I kept asking myself if I could forgive those who hurt me so bad. But I was a work in progress, and God moved me in the direction to write my letter of forgiveness, which I did. But forgiveness is not an easy path.
Forgiveness starts with a mental decision. The emotional part of forgiveness is finally being able to let go of the resentment. Emotional healing may or may not follow quickly after we forgive.
This is a LOADED response. And I read it at the right time. Thank you and thank God.
When Joe sets the topic, I try to find the answer because there are so many things
in my life that slow me down and leave me with unanswered questions, over and over.
A light bulb went off in my head when I did some research on forgiveness. It was an
Ah Ha…moment, where the meaning was 100% clear. I know now what was wrong with my understanding of forgiveness, because of the topic Joe set before us. Thank you Joe, you give us a chance to find answers to important questions.
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I am reading this brochure from the church and it says that if we have hope, it can bring about marvelous and unbelievable results and achievements of dreams that stir us into action in the hope we can fulfill those dreams. The opposite of hope is hopelessness. When we feel hopelessness, we feel there is no future, no reason to dream, to aspire, to achieve, or to solve problems. it demoralizes us, makes us pessimistic, cynical, despondent and throws us into depression and despair. This is what drives me to think about all the wrongs that were done
to me. It is what makes me think about myself, instead of what God has planned for me. Hope fills my heart and lets me look to the future with dreams that can be accomplished. I have a longing in my soul to tackle the task before me, solve the problem, and experience the joy of a dream. God says “be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.” Psalm 31:24
With the New year I should remember with gratitude and appreciation the many blessings I have received from the Lord during the past year. I cannot even say enough thank yous to God, for the things I was given. I am looking and reaching out for a future that fulfills my dreams and hopes. With God I can do anything.
Last, I will forget all the wrongs and resentments I have suffered. Not just part of them, but all of them. Putting aside the bad will help me hold in sacred memory the wonderful things that should never be forgotten – the good things which God and others have done for me. And finally, I will press forward, to reach out for something better. I know in my heart, if I do the reaching,
God will do the giving. This has always been my mantra and I had forgotten it over the past few years. “Forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things that are before, I press toward the mark and prise of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13:14. Amen.
“We should always forgive the person who is truly repentant no matter how many times they ask.” This is what was written in your synopsis on forgiveness. The person who is truly repentant must ask for forgiveness. Of course we would forgive them!! I always have and I always will forgive those who repent and ask for forgiveness.
When Jesus was on His way to the cross on the hill where criminals were crucified, where he was tortured, whipped as he struggled to walk, dripping blood from all his
wounds, and finally at the top of the hill, he was nailed to the wooden cross, hands and feet, he prayed to His Father God. “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Christ took on the sins of the world, so that the world may be forgiven.
The word FORGIVENESS describes the person who desires to be like
Christ. To repent judging others of their acts or words against us, is doing the work of the Cross, as Christ would. We learn something new every day, and when we are being led by the Spirit, we want to listen, before we lose the thought.
Praying for forgiveness of any thought, word or deed that has come against us, is
to be truthful to ourselves and the gift of Christ that has been given us. I trust God
will forgive us for not listening to His teachings, but with Christ, we have an advocate
would knows us and leads us and brings us to love each other, and forgive all who
have offended us.
For true forgiveness to take place, one must completely take pride out. A proud heart will never truly forgive. Matthew 6:14-15 says, For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. This really does sum up a prideful heart. You absolutely cannot expect to be forgiven if you are too proud to forgive someone else. Pride has no place in a Christian’s heart.
Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/what-does-the-bible-say-about-forgiveness/#ixzz2HoONvDBz
I like this parable because it highlights the fact that forgiveness is most needed when we’re the most wounded. It would be impossible to consider forgiveness on our own. As humans, we tend to look at fairness and weigh whether or not another person ‘deserves’ our forgiveness. We don’t see the consequences of holding onto a grudge; it turns the holder bitter and angry and the person that wronged them is unaffected. That’s why we need God’s help. That’s the only way we can let it go and give forgiveness to those who we would say are least deserving.
“Forgiveness is most needed when we’re the most wounded…” It sure is!
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I believe and have learned from experience that true forgiveness is a “God thing” and we can’t do it without Him. We need to forgive others who wrong us whether we think they deserve it or not, and whether they ask for it or not, because in forgiving others it frees us inside and we wont have that hinderence in our walk with God. Forgiveness is so very powerful, and since Jesus forgave us, we have no reason to hang onto unforgiveness for others. It can be a super hard thing to do, but if we ask God to help us, as the man in the Bible asked Jesus to help his unbelief, we can ask God as well to help our unforgiveness and He most certainly will. We need to forgive others and leave the rest up to God. We cant forgive others and expect them to change, thats Gods job. We just need to be obedient and be willing to forgive, over and over if need be, and let God change the other person. Once you forgive, you are free inside and Jesus can then heal the hurt as well, but hanging onto unforgiveness will cause the healing to be “on hold” til you let go of it.
Ps, thanks for stopping by my blog today!! Its encouraging to have visitors who stop and like something!
You encourage me too, Correna!
Great topic of discussion, Joe. I would just like to add one thing. We have to remember that as Christians, we are the children of God. Therefore we live in a dual relationship with Him. First, we live by our position in Christ. We are God’s son or daughter through our position in His Son, Jesus Christ. Secondly, we live in relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ. When we sin, we do not lose our position as God’s son or daughter-because we always have that once we’ve accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior-thus we cannot lose our salvation, but we can lose the joy we have in our relationship with Him. When we refuse to forgive, we don’t lose the position we have as a son or daughter in Christ Jesus, but we lose the joy we experience in our relationship with Him. We lose the joy of our relationship because we have failed to obey and honor our Father who tells us that we’re to forgive. The reason why so many people who are Christians are bitter, and do not experience joy in their relationship with God through Christ, is because they’ve damaged their relationship with Him through disobedience (sin) and an unwillingness to repent. Without an acknowledgement of sin and a repenting of that sin we place ourselves under the chastening hand of God who cannot and will not allow us to continue in our disobedience. A loving father will do whatever is necessary to restore a child’s relationship with Him back to its’ rightful place….. in position…and in relationship….. Keep up the good work brother.
Amen!!
Very true indeed! Thanks Wayne.
Amen! Such an important message.
When we really Love God Pastor Joe we don’t need anyone to tell us to forgive others, our heart can be no other way. Father forgive them for they know not what they do, will be our cry too. As you shared Pastor Joe when we really see our own evil how can we condemn others instead our hearts are full of thankfullness for God’s mercy and Grace but like Him we hate the evil they do, Jesus said go and sin no more…..
Christian Love from both of us – Anne
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Forgiveness seems to be misunderstood, especially by me in my more ignorant days. Now, I see that it is a commandment, not an option. Clearly the benefit is so that we can continue to seek God and not be sullen and sad and angry over wrongs. We’ve all done sins we aren’t even aware of. This is wisdom.
Very true indeed!
Joe, this is a great article,very timely, very insightful, extremely appropiate. Joan Okon(OGDQ)
Thank you, Joan.
Good evening Joe. I just noticed all those awards on the right side of this page. Congratulations!!
Thanks Rita.
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